Let me set the stage – it is 3am, I’ve had one too many drinks and am way too ready to make those ‘interesting’ decisions. These decisions in question might have to do with the cute guy in the ridiculously tight jeans who keeps grinding on me, inspiring me to quickly finish my martini.
All the signs are clearly saying it’s time to get out of here.
In Los Angeles, where every nightclub seems to have a celebrity or two in attendance, casual sex is as common to the nightlife as the drunk girls in the corner dancing on the couch.
As fun as it is, casual sex can lead to plenty of awkward situations. Recently a friend of mine, a model, and I spent the night exchanging embarrassing stories about our bedroom adventures.
Inspired by that conversation, here is “The Modern Guide to Casual Sex.”
The guide is mixture of common mistakes people make, and ways they could have been easily avoided in the first place.
The Modern Guide to Casual Sex
Tip #1 – For the Gentlemen in the Audience “Honestly is always the Best Policy.”
It might not be easiest thing to do, but trust me, it will save you from a lot of drama in the future. First, make your intentions clear ahead of time. It will keep you from leading someone on and hopefully prevent any messy emotional situations.
Be sure to explain in the simplest possible way (remember you are both totally buzzed) you aren’t looking for your next relationship. Your potential partner-in-crime, might feel the same way.
And if by chance they no longer way to play, and you feel completely cock blocked, you have just avoided unnecessary drama. Congrats.
Speaking from my own personal experience, there are plenty of people in the nightlife scene who are DTF and don’t want anything serious.
Tip #2 For our lady readers “Lower Your Expectations”
Darlings, your in a bloody nightclub, not Oprah’s Bookclub for heavens sakes. The truth is your knight in shining armor is not behind the velvet rope, waiting for you in VIP.
The gentlemen whose sparklers you have been holding and who keeps filling your glass with Rose, is by no means ‘Mr. Right’ but he came be your ‘Mr. Right-Now’.
As a rule of thumb for any man you go home with that night, don’t expect him to ask you out on a dates afterwards. If you fee like he is the One, going home with him is a bad idea.
Tip #3 – The Most Important “Always Use Protection.”
Ok guys, the onus here is on you to provide protection. Be smart and always be prepared. The scenario you really want to avoid is one where you and your partner are drunk, head back to your place, get all hot and bothered then realize neither of you have a condom.
You may be tempted in your drunken haze to say “Fuck it” and do it anyways. This is NEVER a good idea. Trust me you don’t way a casual encounter turning into baby mama drama or worse.
Remember in every major city there are mini-marts like 7/11, open 24 hours located on almost every corner. And if your partner passes out by the time you return, offer them a blanket and sleep on couch.
This rule may have me soundly like your 8th grade sex ed teacher, yet I have faced this exact situation myself. So remember “Wrap it before you tap it.”
Tip #4 For Everyone – “Keep The Conversation to a Minimum.”
Don’t send mixed messages.
I know when I get drunk I sometimes think I have fallen in love, yet by the time I wake up in the morning the emotion has usually worn off. Especially when I get a chance to see what the object of my nocturnal affections look like by the light of day.
Avoid telling your partner you want them to be your steady in middle of hooking up. They could end up taking you seriously, and assume you both have a future together. It is best to refrain from pillow talk, nicknames and overtly romantic gestures.
Follow rule #1 – clearly establish it from the start this is just a fling.
Tip #5 When Its Done – “Don’t Overstay Your Welcome.”
Once you both have woken up it is time to go. I always try to leave right after it’s over. It is ok to spend the night if it’s too late – or – you’re simply to drunk to drive.
Try not to make things awkward in the morning by lingering and chatting up their roommates. If the other person has to go to work in the morning, it’s time to go.
Be aware, take the hint and get your ass out of their bed. If you like the person, be clear that if you force them to ask you to leave, there are no chances of a repeat encounter.
Tip #6 The Morning After “Be Ready To Go”
There is nothing worse then the ‘walk of shame’. Ladies, you don’t want to be caught on a Sunday morning at 10 am riding the subway in a dress that leaves nothing to the imagination and 6 inch stilettos. Guys, even if you take a cab home, your neighbors will give you that ‘knowing’ look.
I truly hated it when the cute guy from across the hall happened to be returning from his morning run in the park, just in time to judge me as I tried awkwardly to avoid his stare in the elevator.
Ladies, always have a pair of sunglasses, leggings in your purse and remember that every drugstore sells “Flats To Go.”
if you are feeling like you want to get some play that night, throw an extra bag in your car when you head out. I suggest one with a change of clothes, spare sandals, a phone charger and whatever else you think you will need.
If you are cabbing it, leave it at coat check. Use your clutch to hold essentials like the cell, money and lip gloss.
Tip #7 – “Go In with No Expectation, Be Open.”
I have learned there is always a chance with causal encounters that they can can be the start of something else. The secret is to go in with no expectations. If it happens to develop into something more meaningful then great. If not then no one leaves the encounter feeling hurt and you both can a good time.
Parting Company -
Guys, here is a very helpful hint – so pay attention. Just because it is causal doesn’t mean you can be a jerk the next day. Check in on the person you have hooked up with, a text can do the trick.
It’s common courtesy to hit them up the next day to make sure they made it home safe and are alive.
Be sure to keep the text short and to the point, so it doesn’t give off a clingy vibe. I like to go with “I had fun. Hope you got home safe.”
Good luck out there in the urban jungle.